The separation will always be an anxiety-inducing experience for everyone involved. In the case of a divorce, a couple might feel like they’re going through a difficult time, but this feeling is magnified in a child’s heart.
Nobody would want their children to go through this emotional experience, but in some cases, this process is necessary to prevent a negative situation from worsening. Divorce can be traumatizing, yes, but that doesn’t mean that you cannot prepare your children. The parents’ behavior will either amplify or soothe any anguish, and it’s best to be critical and honest. Children are smart, and not explaining the situation to them will only yield negative results as they will eventually understand.
In this article, we will discuss what you can tell your child to prepare them for what is to come. Children will have different reactions, some might take it easier than others, but it is vital to make them understand the situation.
Let Them Know They Are Loved
Children going through the divorce of their parents often feel that they are not loved. Many children’s notion of a family and love is still the fundamental concept of a family. A mother, a father, and children living as one cohesive unit is often the default, and deviating from this often makes them feel insecure. This insecurity magnifies in their mind, thinking that they will not, and perhaps, were not loved without a’ family’ unit. You need reassure your child that no matter the situation, no matter the circumstance, your love for them will remain. It is the first thing you need to establish: that you love your children no matter what, and this change will not affect your love for them.
“We love you. Even if there are changes in our family, we still love you. You are our beloved son/daughter, and you will always be. You will always be loved and taken care of”
Make Them Understand That It’s Not Their Fault
Talking to your children about your divorce can be extremely difficult, especially if a bail bondsman is involved. But you need to be psychologically mature enough to understand that your children will process the situation differently. Children tend to blame themselves for situations out of their control, and this is no different. They might think that this is happening because of something they did, and you need to reassure them that this is in no way shape or form caused by them.
“This isn’t because of you. Mom and dad are going through tough times, and we don’t agree on a lot of things. Even if some of those are about you, it doesn’t mean it’s your fault. You are a good, innocent child that we love. We are not fighting because of you.”
There Will Be Changes, So Let’s Take Our Time to Adjust
Divorce shakes the life of a child. Their ‘normal’ will be turned upside down, and they will have to adjust to a new environment, both emotionally and physically. As divorces often entail moving to a different house, you need to let your child know that you’re not rushing them to adjust. Everyone’s trying to adjust to the new situation. Rushing or forcing them is severely dangerous as doing so can result in long-term emotional, mental, and social problems. Adjustments take some time, and for a child still processing everything in the world, it can take longer. Patience is necessary as they will still yearn for the life they had.
“Our life will be changing, and we know it can be difficult to adjust. That’s why we’ll be taking our time to settle in our new life. We don’t expect you to be okay immediately. Just know that we understand, and you should take your time to adjust to our new situation.”
Everything Will Be Okay
Since children’s sense of normalcy will be severely affected, they need constant reassurance that everything will work out fine. You need to assure them, constantly assure them, that things will settle down and their life will continue. There will be changes, but those changes will most likely be for the better, and they can continue doing what they love. Let them continue doing their hobbies and enjoying their interests as this will help make everything feel normal and soon enough, they’ll settle in their new environment.
“After all of this, everything will be okay. You can keep on doing the things you love; you can still be friends with your old friends. There will be new things introduced in our lives, and that’s okay. Some old things will also remain, and that’s also okay. Everything will work out in the end.”